Ok Ewe, I don’t know why I’m wasting more keystrokes on you. First, calling my wife a cunt, well that’s just top notch wit let me tell you. Second, in a short amount of time, Nate has become one of my best friends that I have ever had. I don’t take to you hurting them kindly. From now on I respectfully ask that you refrain from insulting and deriding the readers of my blog. In turn I ask that all of my other readers to please stop replying to Ewe’s comments. He keeps baiting the hook and everybody seems to be taking the bite. Ewe, please feel free to comment to my blog all you want, but keep it about me. You can call me a pathetic, whiny, spineless asshole, and none it will probably be anything I’ve never called my own self, so have at it.
I still don’t get you though. I don’t get how you can confuse my own personal struggles with my sexuality with my feelings towards others. If someone is honest and can embrace who they are and what they want to be, then that’s all I can hope for someone. So long as it doesn’t include telling someone else how to live their live or infringe on someone else’s happiness, then so be it. If you are happy as a gay man then great. I didn’t deal with it as you have. Right or wrong, my wife and I are trying to deal with this the best we can. Are we clinging to a reality that no longer exists, I honestly don’t know. But I love her deeply and we will figure this out on our timetable, together. If you aren’t happy with that timetable then tough shit. I really don’t know why you care so much to be honest.
So Ewe, you are safe here for now, so long as you respect my one little rule. Same goes for everyone else please. With the attitude you have I’m surprised you give a shit at all about whether I block you or not, but as often as you like to comment I might be wrong.
You are a much more tolerant man than I am.
My comment to your wife was meant to hurt her feelings. And my comment to Nate was to wake him up. He seems to think i think he is an older man. Believe me, i know he is young with a hairdo like that and my point was his sexuality was concentrated pretty much on white cock from what i see on his blog. It was a recognition of that fact, that’s all. You have asked your readers to not bother me with critique and i will do the same for them. Just go back and see the catfight that your own wife started before you make the mistake of thinking i am gonna accept your statement or believe you when you say it is something i began. I just confronted her and she still has not put her claws back in her pouch because she is used to putting people in their place. Well it isn’t gonna go down like that with me. I could care less if she fell off a cliff because i do not know or care about her or her issues. I have always kept it about you and your whining existence in your pity pot about your sexual orientation. You know full well i think you are pathetic and need to grow up. If you cannot figure out why people think you are confused about everything then you may want to take another quick glance at your blog name, (my hetero gay life.) Don’t play dumb with me again Jay. The rest is obvious. You are dishonest about everything as well to yourself and to others. You beat yourself up on such a non issue. That makes you a drama queen at best and a man in need of psychological therapy sessions surrounding your orientation. Instead you blog and expose yourself to people who read and comment nothing. I speak for them. I say loud and clear so all of them can hear that you are a mess no matter if you think you are a loving person or you have people in your life that care about you. Your solution which i object to is telling people how bad you feel about yourself. You do it all the time by saying you are pathetic. That is damaging to yourself and other gay people and i simply throw it back in your face to see how you are seen by others. You can do it all you want with your wife at the kitchen table but not to others outside your private domain. This blog is not your private space. There are potentially young gay men and women who need to read my words telling you that you are not a well rounded person YET. You say you and your wife are dealing with IT. I had no idea your wife was having a hard time DEALING with her heterosexuality. She did not express her need to talk about it. I don’t really care about you Jay because i do not know you so i really am not the least bit interested what you feel about me either. It would therefore be safe for you to conclude that i do not give a damn about any timetable you are as well. Let’s be honest Jay, if you dropped dead, it would not effect me at all and vice versa so who cares. Now is now and you want to concentrate on ideas like “change me please.” You say you don’t know why i care so much to be honest. Newsflash Jay. I love and like my gay self because i have always been honest about it. That is the reason to be honest fool. Lastly Jay, my safety has nothing to do with you and no one would ever be able to depend on you anyway because you are trying to change your true colors. That is the one topic i do care about. Not so much the individual but the greater message to the whole of us as a people. You are very manipulative in your responses but i can keep up with your dialogue that continues to throw reflections of yourself masked as mine. Unlike you Jay, i have been at it a lot longer and i happen to be commenting a lot here because you attempt to change what i say and i then feel the need to clarify what i meant. You have no experience to identify with me and you really should not have a problem realizing that your mind set is something i frequently encountered in the past hence; i have no time for you to hurt any anonymous readers with your dismissive comments. You deny who you are by hoping to make yourself different. It is Philosophy 101 Jay. If you are a gay man then your partner should be another man not a woman. She is your friend at best whether or not you share children together. Plus she is also a stupid bitch who owes me an apology as well.
By the way, it is gay people that tolerate straight people, not the other way around which is what we are led to believe is needed.
Jay:
there are two important people in this story: you and Anginae. The rest of us are ALL immaterial. You will in time come to know your own truth, and learn to live by it, no matter what it is. None of us can know, or live, your life for you.
I do think that sooner or later you will need to confide in at least one real person, in person. I found that much of the discussion became too painful to continue between my wife and myself, and it was too fundamental not to be continued. But that was my story, and may not be yours.
The truth will set you free. Freedom is not comfortable, or “nice.” It is just freedom, and in the long run, worth every price. For both of you.
Bless you. There is no easy road forward.
T@C
I have a sincere question? Are my comments hurtful? That was not my original intention when i came about your blog for the first time.
[...] my need to know more people and that’s it. Last night I read his pretty long comment on Jay’s post and thought “WTF! this guy is not as bad as I thought and I was just letting stupid thoughts [...]
To T@C, so true, I agree :-p
To Ewe, you gave the very wrong impression, don’t blame others!
[...] That was a comment from another of these “gay pigeonholers”, posted over at My Hetero Gay Life*. [...]
Dear Jay: My feelings were not hurt by being called a cunt. Any man who calls a woman that has real class. I’d never even associate with a person like that so I can’t even bring myself to care.
To Ewe: I do have the right to comment to your comments regardless of what you think. That’s why it’s called the “Comment” section. Your latest comment tries to sound sincere by saying your original intent was not to sound hurtful. But when you use words like idiot, sick bitch, disturbed, piece of dirt to describe someone (my husband) what exactly was your intent? Those aint nice words hon.
Anginae:
Your luxury problems make me want to puke.
White people are not minorities fool.
There are heterosexual people who are out to protect the world against being turned homosexual. They have appointed themselves the guardians of heterosexuality. Such people believe in stuff like “young people being influenced”.
Reading “ewe”s first comment, it seems to me for a moment, that there are also such people in the gay world who want to be guardians of homosexuality. Such people seem to believe that what Jay thinks, says or what he does is likely to influence “young gay men, reading his blog”. Why do some people think that another persons opinions or way of living will influence others? Don’t people have a right to be influenced? Why should another person care if I am influenced by Jay?
I think all of us choose how we want to live our homosexuality or our heterosexuality. That we can “be influenced” is a myth that fuels homophobia (and probably heterophobia). To say that “I speak for all the other gay people” out there is also not correct. I think we are so different that everyone should speak for themselves.
“I think all of us choose how we want to live our homosexuality”. I should have added the options which are varied if you read these blogs: you could live it openly, you could live it in the closet or you could live the so-called “hetero-gay life” which is probably the most common. “ewe” seems to suggest that openly homosexual people are the happiest of the lot. This could just be another myth.
Jona: you completely ignore the fact of social stigmas and minority issues. You CANNOT compare minority concerns to heterosexuality. What you said to gay people is what white institutional racism tells african americans. You say get over it and take white heterosexuality as the pinnacle to begin understanding. I am not suggesting homosexual people are happy at all. These freakin whackjobs on this blog are proof of fucked up people if ever i witnessed such. I am who i am just like some straight guy is who he is and i do not need to even concern myself with how or what the fuck he thinks of me anymore than he even concerns himself with how or what the fuck i think of him. Your words say the exact opposite. You are a victim of second class citizenship and inferiority complex. Don’t you dare think you can put me down because i will stand as an equal to ANYONE.
Oh isn’t it big of someone straight people to be so understanding and accepting of gay people. Who cares?Would it matter to any straight person i said he/she was a piece of dirt for being heterosexual? Would a straight person even feel they have to explain one damn thing about themselves re: there sexual orientation to complete strangers? NO they would not and neither do we as gay people. They would laugh it off as rediculous. They can burn in hell and convince themselves they are so wonderful by going elsewhere. No one needs their damn crumbs. They are not being useful at all unless they say finally homosexuality is a non issue. What if i say I am concerned because of their heteosexuality whether or not they can be fit parents? How fucking pathetic but these idiots on this blog who feel like shit because they are gay let themselves allow themselves to be manipulated by others because of their orientation. They are victims and people like Anginae are the victimizers with a damn smile to boot. “Oh Look at me and how great i am because i am so understanding and open minded.” Jay is the father of her children. she is no joan of arc. Go to PFLAG and stop shitting on us. We have enough crap to deal with by ourselves because of oppression without her crap keeping us unfocused on gay issues that are real only because of oppression. People like her should be ministering to other heterosexuals and getting them to open up their minds. We do not need heterosexual approval. We need each others approval. It does not matter if straight people get it. It only matters whether or not you love yourself and that is what i have always said i feel about myself. I get attacked for saying what no straight person ever would even have to and for that you cannot compare minority issues to people who are not minorities.
Why I bother again I don’t know. Ewe are such an ass hole. I NEVER NEVER said that I was great because I am so understanding and open minded. I have said that I am glad I’m open minded because I certainly was not raised that way.
I don’t think gays have to explain why they are gay. I don’t care. It does not matter to me. I have the right to ask for explanations from Jay that involve certain portions of our relationship that I don’t have to tell you about. Being gay is just as normal to me as being straight. But our society as a whole does not think that for the most part.
Congratulations – you love yourself. Tons of people dont’ – gay or straight. But just because you feel that way does not mean everyone has to. How you think I am a victimizer has made no sense to anyone that we have received public and private comments from. I’m not doing anything to victimize gays. And for your information, one of the main reasons I started a blog was in hopes of opening minds of heterosexuals as well as possibly helping other women in my situation know that their feelings are not unique to themselves but normal for the situation.
You put words in people’s mouths. You generalize and to quote another blogger who’s pingback on this blog about one of your other comments you “pigeonhole” gays. Can’t you tell yet that not everyone is like you? You spread hate. Well, at least you try.
I don’t know what society you are living in but homosexuality is an issue. Wouldn’t it be great if it weren’t? Of course. I hope to see that day come. But to say that heterosexuals who freely accept homosexuals is generalizing. In the part of the country where we live, you’d be hard-pressed to find an open-minded hetero that is willing to accept a gay person without question. That’s not my fault. You act like it is. The blog has never been about all homosexuals and their issues or whether or not they deserve this or that. It is ONLY about our problems and our situation and how we are dealing with it. Quit being such an ass. If you don’t like the way we are living our lives, butt out and stop reading.
I am serious here – you are lucky that you are perfectly happy with your sexuality and proud of who you are. But why you think Jay has to feel that way is beyond me. If he had always felt that way, we would never have married I guess. But I am lucky to have him in my life and if it’s all because he was trying to hide his gayness, then I’m going to take that.
My point exactly. You are gonna take it and in order for you to have it, you need him to continue hiding his gayness. You are the ass. I do not like you. I have known many young women like you and you need to stay the hell away from me because i am not going to let you dictate to me what it is like to be gay. You mind your own business. I am very happy you attempt to help other straight women and you may very well be able to do that better than me so shut up with your dismissiveness to me. I do not need to prove that me being gay and sharing about that is much more beneficial to Jay and his issues about being gay than you being his wife. Period. end of subject. You annoy me. I go with my instincts and my instincts say you have selfish motives.
I would say “cease fire” if you ask me but I have no problem with reading “offensive comments” or “verbal attacks” on the internet because that is why the internet has become the great innovation that it is. It is free exchange of ideas, information etc offensive or otherwise.
For instance “ewe” could be a sturbon fellow who likes to push people to the edge in an intellectual discussion especially in a free medium like the internet but ofcourse I dont know.
I have no problem with either Anginae or Jay. Neither do I have a problem with “ewe”. Their different points of view and different experiences and choices all seem to reflect on the diversity that is the true world.
Homosexuality is an issue and believe me that is why I am here. I found these blogs (myheterogaylife and guystogether) through a google search for “personal gay blogs”. At that point I had decided that I need to hear from other people who may have faced the conflicts that I have been facing ever since I realised “that my attraction to fellow men is probably something that will determine how I live the rest of my life”.
When I was young, I knew I was attracted to fellow boys but for instance I thought I would still go ahead and get married to a woman. As I grew older, I realised this would be difficult. Yet my parents expect me to get married. In my country, homosexuality is not only illegal its also pretty dangerous (socially) to be gay. My boyfriends some of whom behave in ways that make me suspect them as gay sometimes express very homophobic behaviours and opinions, yet I really like them etc. These are the conflicts, these are the issues, these are very real causes of confusion.
“ewe” believes that these personal conflicts and confusion are uncalled for but that is his opinion. For me, by reading his posts over time, I could get to understand why.
This is why I am on this blog. As much as I will find people who believe that homosexuals should not be confused about themselves, there are probably very many confused homosexuals out there.
Therefore you guys would do us more good, if you stopped exchanging personal attacks and talked more openly about these conflicts and how they have affected your lives and how they might affect us. For me as a keen reader, I will read these personal attacks as just one of the issues facing this key aspect of my life; “my sexuality”.
Take Jay, it appears he regrets his decision to get married. This is important for me because I could delay my decision to get married or put it off altogether if I got a proper understanding of the issues involved.
Take Anginae, I could learn how to end my relationship with my girlfriend “who loves me” but “I dont love her”. I even have boys who “i love” but who “do not love me”. For me these are the issues and it appears some of these blogs do handle these issues candidly.
So please, keep the discussion going.
And lest I forget:
“Would it matter to any straight person (if) i said he/she was a piece of dirt for being heterosexual?” “Would a straight person even feel they have to explain one damn thing about themselves”
I thought this is the very minority vs majority problem you are trying to raise.
In Uganda where I live, a whole government minister of “ethics and integrity” once said that “99% of people believe homosexuality is wrong” “so how can you tell us it is right”. The same minister added the usual crap of “the bible says so” and even went on to rule that “homosexuals should migrate to another country”.
I argued after that, that “majorities do not determine rightness” but “majorities determine trends”. Unfortunately many people (perhaps including some homosexuals) believe that majorities determine rightness so what the majority does is right and what the minority does is wrong. This is why heterosexuals in my country (and it appears in the US) feel they don’t have to explain themselves (and some homosexuals feel they have to explain themselves).
I know I dont have to explain myself but social living whether in Uganda or abroad this personal contentment with who I am. Personally I am out to find happiness. Will being contented with who I am deliver this “holy grail”. What if my government arrests and tortures me? What if my friends abandon me? What if I am attracted to a straight guy? What will I do if I want to have children? etc. Even if I decided to “be who I am” these questions would not go away especially for a young gay.
“but social living in Uganda or abroad goes beyond this personal contentment with who I am.” This is what I meant. Sorry for the error.
Jona: thank you so much for your post and also for addressing me. I wish you well and please be careful. My experience is predominantly in San Francisco and New York. I realize that you are in a different place and i also feel Uganda is going backward on its policies particularly in the area of prevention and homophobic assault. It is not like that here. We may have to be careful of individuals and a mob mentality but our government does not put us to death YET just for being homosexual. I think the way i do because i have lived to tell my survival in an era of AIDS. My friends, acquaintances and thousands upon thousands of fellow residents perished around me. They died miserably in pain and anguish while right wing nuts spewed their hate. They were at the age when they were beginning to shine on the heights and this did not take place. I will never ever let their memory die for some one liner or passage out of some tired old religious booklet. I am in such a different place than someone who is struggling with a closet and have no time for it. Please continue letting us all know how your life is there. I love learning about how others are living and how we effect them if we do at all.
1. Happy 4th of July
2. Happy (late) parade
3. I enjoyed reading all the comments but I think Jona is right, let’s stop fighting and talk about more important things
4. I owe an apology to J so I wanna say it aloud
5. Ewe, apparently you’ve been through rough times, but please dont rub your experiences on people’s faces
6. J come back and fucking blog and make it VERY clear what you mean by each and every word you say
Nate: Don’t tell me what to do. You are being presumptuous. I am not interested in your negativity. Fuck you for dismissing what you refer to so easily as rough times. And stop whining.
i asked you (PLEASE!!! cant you see that?!) and I’m not as negative as you think,ok?
And I admire the hard work of other homosexuals, and I doubt I’m whining I just want things to give us/others something., like new points of view or just help us deals with things bothering us. Stop telling people what to do and what not to do, or at least ask it politely!
Nate. You specifically addressed me and stated not to rub my rough times in your damn face. Your pathetic emotional trip about accepting your homosexuality cannot be compared to and AIDS holocaust. I am not rubbing one damn thing in your face. I was addressing another blogger named Jona. You are the one who was telling me what to do. You are really one sick manipulative quack.
and go ahead people. and change the stinking subject if you want. I don’t have the controls here to this blog. I merely respond to others point of view.
I understand where Jona is coming from. I live in the US now but was born and raised in Kenya which is right next to Uganda. In both those countries people get KILLED for being gay and therefore I personally get where the appeal of the closet comes from. I could NEVER be out if I still lived there and for that I am grateful for this country.
On the other hand, we can never discount homophobia and the number it can pull on a person’s mental state. Depending on the circumstances that certain people came up from really determines how a person deals with homosexuality. Not everyone out there has the luxury or ability to up and move to urban areas like San Francisco and be “out and proud”. Some people just cannot cut ties with their kin and it is simplistic and selfish to tell someone to just say fuck all and be out.
And it is also simplistic and selfish to assume that living in San Francisco is some sort of luxury and even more judgemental to say that those who do have cut their ties. You were doing real well there for the first half of your comment floatilla. How about if I was to be like so many people here and tell immigrants to get the hell out? Would you consider that intelligent or better yet understandable? Well i think your “out and proud” comment was a damn mockery to ALL people in urban areas including Kenya. It may be true that many gay men and women do not feel out and proud but it is certainly a more noble goal than to wallow in the opposite.
sorry Ewe but it’s so much fun making you mad. call me names, im liking it. however dont you think it’s much better to waste your energy on better things like what jona can do?
I am sorry… correct me if I am wrong, are you equating the lives of LGBT’s in Africa and those of people in San Francisco and saying it is not a luxury to be gay there. Whether or not one is out or not, at least in San Fran you have the OPTION to live out and not fear for your life. In Kenya, you DONT have that option…. and dont give me some schpiel that its more noble to be out and proud in those parts of the world. Now thats a damn mockery. It could be a death sentence. At least where you are YOU HAVE THE OPTION!!!
And let me tell you Floatilla that on the same token, it can be said that if we did not allow the best and brightest to leave their countries to come and live in America then those same people would improve their situtations where they are originally from. Sounds like hate doesn’t it? Sounds like ignorant americans buildin a fence across the border don’t it girl? Perhaps there would be more out and proud gay men and women in Africa if we followed those principles. I personally do not agree with the above statement and only make it to stress a point. For your information, there are plenty of backward evil ignorant bastards right in the heart of San Francisco, New York and Los Angeles. Your comments almost leave the impression as if it is my fault as an american that you left your country instead of changing the status quo there. How about attacking corrupt leadership instead of gay individuals you think are living a life of luxury in urban gay ghettos? If i equate any one damn thing about LGBTQ people anywhere on this globe, it is this…that the only common thing between us is our homosexuality and just because Kenya and Uganda is not New York or London does not give you a pass to write everyone off here as priviledged. I accept your apology. thank you.
Thanks to all you guys. Keep it going. I am reading but I am unable to add comment for now. Maybe later.