I haven’t been the most loving and open person lately, and if you read Anginae’s blog, you can see that it’s getting to her. I’m not very talkative, don’t have much desire to have sex and just not a real blast to be around in general (am I ever?). It’s no one thing really and it has nothing to do with her. Just a lot going on at the moment and I’m just not feeling very affectionate and open about things right now. I don’t have any good reason for acting this way other than it’s just how I react to stress sometimes. When things get to Anginae, she tends to want more affection and understanding. I tend to go the opposite way when things get to me and I kind of clam up my feelings. Not always but in this case that’s the mood I seem to be in.
It’s it’s a combination of work, extracaricular activities, my dad and a particular date coming up. I would have to say that work has been weighing on me the most lately. I like my job quite a lot, but some projects crept up on me and I’ve gotten behind. I rightfully got straightened out by my boss and I’ve spent the last couple of weeks trying to get out of the whole I had gotten myself in. It’s getting a little better, but I’ve got to do a better job not to let it happen again. My dad has crept into my life a little again. Nothing serious really, and I’ve had no direct contact with him, but as long as he is my father, he will always be an issue that never quite goes away. Also, I’ve recently gotten myself into coaching my sons little leage soccer team. I’m not at all the athletic or coaching type by any means so I’m not very comfortable with the whole idea of what I’m doing. The kids haven’t won many games (no thanks to me) but they seem to be having fun. I’m glad they seem to enjoy it but I will be glad when it’s all over in a few weeks. Last but not least is one year is coming up. I don’t have a lot to say about that right now, in part because I really don’t know how to feel about it.
I don’t know when I’ll get out of this mood. I don’t really know all that is causing me to feel this way. I’m not trying to be a pain in the ass or act like a loveless jerk to Anginae. I just don’t seem to be very good a being a caring loving husband right now. I wish I had a better reason and could make myself get over it. Like many things, it probably will in time.
are you depressed?
Eliot…….of course he’s depressed…….and he needs help but Jay, you’re the only one that can ask for the help and until you do that it’s not going to get any better. For me it was like standing in quick sand……swimming in molasses.
The shore is right over there, but until you get help you can’t reach it.
I know it’s no time for lectures and i’m no good at it but i gott tell you worry me lots and im tired of worrying. you’re the best COUCH I’ve ever seen so do what other couches do, sit a bit and relax. i know tomorrow you’re gonna beat yourself right and left, wish i could do anything, just dont get lost in your thick shell, shout at people, they’ll get mad at you but the least is you feel better.
i wanted to call you but i cant and this makes me hate Z lots but i promised so i just keep praying for you.
You’re gonna be fine and you gotta be fine.
A big hug!
K