Fuck You Facebook

I stayed the night last Tuesday night with Rub.  Was a nice evening.  He had been really tired from a busy day so I held him while he took a nap.  I was great and I enjoyed every minute laying next to him.  We go get something to eat and then off to the motel where we hung out and mess around a little (I get to give the the best blow job I probably ever given) then fall asleep about 2 AM.  Wake up Wednesday morning and off to work we go.  That’s the last time I’ve seen him.

Rub then goes to Arkansas on Thursday to meet some guys about buying the bar I mentioned in my last post and then later that night, goes from there to Texas to meet his cousin to spend some time on the lake.  He’s supposed to be back to Oklahoma on Sunday.  Sunday night comes, and no word from him.  Anginae texts him Monday morning and he’s on his way back home.  Hardly another word from him all day Monday.   I know he’s busy trying to catch up so I do my best to convince myself all is well.  Tuesday comes and goes and hardly any word except exchanging some very brief IMs.  I really miss talking to him but he says he’s still really busy so I do my best to be patient.  My way home from work, I call him….voicmail.  I text him and he at his moms house which has spotty cell coverage but he says he really wants to talk to me.  I tell him I miss him and feel a little better.  

I get home and find Anginae on the bed crying (she’s been really sick this week btw).  I of course ask her what’s wrong.  She asks, “has Rub not told you whats going on with him?”  I answer “Well no, he’s really busy right now”.  ”Well go have a look at his Facebook page.  It says he’s in a relationship with LK (remember him from the last post?) and there are pics of him on there too.”  So I of course go look and what do you fucking know, there’s pics of LK along with his new relationship status.  It also show’s he changed his Facebook network from Oklahoma to Arkansas (he’s not moving though I’ve found out).  I send Rub one brief text message for the night to tip him off that I know what’s up, but no reply.

Needless to say I don’t get a lot of sleep last night.  I can’t exactly go through the range of emotions I was feeling.  I didn’t know how much of the last few weeks had been a lie.  I’ve never had to go through anything like this and I couldn’t believe it was all really happening.

So finally this morning I get talk to Rub and get the full story.  Turns out, he met with LK some while in AR on Thursday and went back to see him on Sunday night rather than coming straight home.  He did not do anything with LK while he was with me and so far I believe his story.  The relationship with LK came about very quickly, really in a matter of a few days and since he last saw me.

I also find out that things may not have been as o.k.  as I though last time I was with him.  Since I started seeing him, we discussed my situation with Anginae.  He had given it a great deal of thought and he felt he would be ok with it.  Turns out the the more he thought of it, the less ok he was with having to “share” my affections with someone else.  He wanted a guy he could come home to every night and I wasn’t going to be that guy.  I wasn’t completely surprised by hearing that; I’d warned him about it from the very beginning but it was eventually something he was no longer comfortable with.  I wish he’d given me some more time to work this all out with Anginae.  We were just figuring this out ourselves and we knew that there was a good chance that I might want to spend more time with Rub.  But he should not have to settle for what he wants from a relationship and I’m ok with that.

What hurts is how I found this out from his Facebook page.  We’ve only been seeing each other since the beginning of June, so it’s not like we are in a serious committed relationship, but he knew how I felt about him and I thought I knew how he felt about me.  I didn’t peg him at all as the kind of guy who would, one, meet a guy like this without telling me and two, wait almost two fucking days to tell me.  Of course he says he was busy doing many, many things (which I believe he was), but I feel he could have a least held off spending the 5-10 minutes it took him to upload pics and change his Facebook (and Myspace) status until he told me what was going on.  He didn’t and he admits it was a mistake.  

So that’s it’s really.  My relationship with Rub, short as it was, is now over.  He wants to still be friends, and as I’ve thought about it, think I might still want to be as well once I get over him.  He was a great guy and this hurts a lot.  He said some amazing things about me and what pisses me off is that once I finally convinced myself to believe the things he says about me, this happens.  All I can say is last night was like a kick in the teeth.

He was my first, and what sucks is that every guy I meet from here on out is gonna be measured against him.  Right now it’s hard to imagine any other guy coming close to what he was.  I never imagined this would go on forever but I didn’t want it to end so soon and certainly not the way that it did.

I have a feeling it’s going to take me a while to get over him.