Comments for My Hetero Gay Life

Comment on There Is A Difference by javabear

javabear — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 21:35:05 +0000

Here’s a question to consider. What you say here about the difference between wanting to be with another man but not another woman - is this an attempt to justify your position, or do you know deep down that it is totally true? I’m not trying to start an argument, and I don’t know the answer. But I believe it to be an important question.

Letting me down by considering meeting a guy… No. You are gay. You naturally seek the affection and companionship of another man. Really, it’s what you are supposed to do, what you are designed for. It’s what you need. The choice is whether to do it or not. I make no judgement on that choice. (Well, I try not to. And mostly succeed.)

While we’re on the subject of judgement, I’ll tell you this. I think you should not have married Anginae in the first place, especially if, as you say, you knew you were attracted to men. This is nothing against Anginae, I’m sure she’s wonderful and a worthy wife. You should not have married any woman. It’s dishonest. But that’s water under the bridge, and I don’t condemn you for it now. Too late for that. Time to move on. Besides which, I figure there were probably other reasons you decided to marry. Family and society expectations? Naivite, possibly. No matter.

What is your definition of relationship when you say you don’t want your relationship with Anginae to end? You have children together, right? You two will always be their parents, no matter what. That’s a relationship right there. Do you consider friendship to be a good relationship? Because you can remain good friends to the end of time. Do you refer to the marriage relationship? Because from what I’ve read your marriage is off kilter as far as the typical healthy marriage goes. And that’s ok, because in this situation a typical marriage won’t work. So figure out between yourselves what you each want out of a relationship with each other.

and good luck!

Comment on There Is A Difference by English

English — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 21:16:56 +0000

Stick with it because everything always turns out well in the end. Just remember to take a moment or two to consider before bleating out; I was a tad forward in my relationship at times and it worked against me. Hope things work out the way you want them to.

Comment on There Is A Difference by ewe

ewe — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 20:55:44 +0000

Ms. Control freak:
Hasn’t getting your insides carved out of you taught you anything?

Comment on There Is A Difference by Nate

Nate — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 10:04:23 +0000

just wanted to say i tagged you with this http://lastbreath.wordpress.com/2008/08/27/37-things-about-me/

Comment on There Is A Difference by anginae

anginae — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 09:31:53 +0000

OOOOO. Your photo bothers him. Then hurry and change it please. You wouldn’t want to upset him in any way.

The header is great. Like EVERYONE else has told you before.

Comment on There Is A Difference by ewe

ewe — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 22:51:37 +0000

Please change that picture of that eyeball peering in or out of a wooden door. It symbolizes so much of what you want to change. Open the door or close it and open another one but standing in the doorway for freakin ever is not going in any direction. I am sorry but that photo bothers me to no end.

Comment on There Is A Difference by ewe

ewe — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 22:43:17 +0000

you are somewhat cute in your own way though. I’ll give you that. Don’t make it all so heavy Jay. Life is too short. Love the one you’re with.

Comment on There Is A Difference by ewe

ewe — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 22:21:11 +0000

You seem to want to have your cake and everyone elses too Jay. And thats fine because anginae says she wants to share her own cake with you but don’t count on it for too long. You are gonna have to meet some guy who wants to settle for sharing you and i highly doubt that is gonna work. Kids maybe but not a spouse of any gender i would think. Ok whatever! Of course you can try to mold your life into a perfect scenario that includes everyone but …. do let us all know how the cookie crumbles Jay.
You say you are letting us all down by considering meeting a guy in your last paragraph. I do not recall anyone telling you that considering meeting a guy was letting anyone down. I want you to meet someone. What is all this faith nonsense about? You are a gay man with a straight wife. hello. Hello Jay. You don’t even want to fool around with another woman so why are you splicing and dicing your justification for differentiation between male and female? I do disagree with you about whether a man or woman one wants somehow does not wreak some sort of havoc if not waves in a monogamous relationship. I can go on and on Jay but it comes back to the same thing for me and that is that you want it all. You want your wife, your kids, a boyfriend, the house, probably a fuck pad and tell me Jay, does he have to have a big dick too? oy vey. Listen, you should be aware that any guy worthy of a being in a loving relationship is going to see that you also need to play the field. I would not even put myself through the turmoil of being with you since you have so much to learn about yourself. You are a lot of work honey and take up a lot of energy. Better not wait Jay. Get going. Maybe a guy in your same position would be the best bet.

Comment on There Is A Difference by John

John — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 18:47:16 +0000

Hi Jay, I’m the last person qualified to give advice since I don’t have the balls to tell my wife and I am messing around with other guys. But I know what you mean - it doesn’t feel like it’s cheating since its not with a woman. I have been, am and will always be a one-woman man.

I have met a couple of guys that have fallen for me and we’ve had continuing relationships. But I am so disconnected from my emotions (that’s how I describe it) that I’m not sure if I loved them. In any case, it never rose to the level of wanting to leave my wife. I’m not saying that could never happen, but who knows you may be that kind of person as well.

Good luck to you, Ang and the family as you work through this. John

Comment on There Is A Difference by Troll at Sea

Troll at Sea — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 16:23:58 +0000

Jay:

The longer you and Ange can make it work, the better. My story, like Romach’s, is different, but I am gladder about one thing than I am about anything else, and it was the thing that caused my wife the most pain: that I did NOT leave for another person.

To her, it was leaving her “for an idea.” But it meant that when I did meet the Goat, and the sparks did fly, I did not face the choice Romach did.

I hope you never do, but that will depend on your heart and how much Ange can bear. You can only hope to be so good about keeping your heart out of it without damaging that organ severely.

There is no easy way out.
But that’s true of life for most people. Our little postage stamp just makes things more horribly clear than most others…

All the best to you both.
T@C