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Archive for July, 2008

7-29-95

13 years ago today. That was the day Anginae and I were married. It’s not a decision I wish I could change.  I’m quite happy that on July 29th, 1995 I married my best friend.  I’m happy knowing that she is the only wife I will ever have and the only woman I will ever love the way that I love her.  I’ve made her life much more complicated now, and for that I’m not proud.  I’m happy she accepts me for who I am and does not want me to change.  I think I’m very fortunate to have someone in my life that will love me unconditionally.

The last 13 years have been pretty easy actually.  It’s not been hard waking up every day and spending my life with a woman.  It’s been hard keeping such an important thing from her so long and causing the pain I have caused her by revealing it.  But we will work through it as we have everything else life has thrown at us over the years.  I know some think that the answer to our problems is to split up and have some time alone, but why should I exclude my best friend from something like this.  I shouldn’t and I won’t.

I love you Anginae.   Happy Anniversary.

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Misc.

Well I haven’t posted in a bit. Things have been busy here lately. Got Anginae home on Wednesday from her one night stay in the hospital. The hysterectomy went as planned and she is recovering as she should I guess. I’m trying to cut her back on her pain medication. Seeing her doped up on oxycodone can be a real treat. The doc prescribed two every 4 hours. I’ve got her down to 1 pill every 5 hours. No, I’m not letting her sit around in pain or anything. She’s just not hurting that bad that she needs the full dose anymore. She enjoys a bit being on them. I can’t take them they make me sick otherwise I might enjoy one myself. I know Anginae has posted today about her surgery, but let me thank everyone for you care and concern for her. It really means a lot to us.

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I did a good job of flipping Nate out the other day. He posted this but says he was just in a bit of a mood when he posted it. In talking to him one night i made the comment of being frustrated that he is so far away. I seem to find a good friend and he lives in fucking Alaska. Just to refresh you memory I live in Oklahoma, so he’s not exactly next door. I don’t desire anything other than friendship from him, but in a very short period of time he has become and extremely good friend. I’m just afraid I am going to scare him off somehow.

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A small milestone, but this is my 50th post. Last I checked I have had about 12,300 blog hits or so since I started this blog back in February. All I can say is that I really appreciated all the readers and comments that you give to me. It means a lot to me to know that there are so many caring people out there following my story. I appreciate you all and hope I can keep you all reading!

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I know many of you who read my blog also read Anginae’s blog as well.   If you read Anginea’s last post you see that she was going to go in for surgery today to have a hysterectomy.  Well everything went completely according to plan and I’m now sitting in a hospital room next to my sleeping wife.  She’s become a pro at this surgery thing.  This is # for in the last twelve and a half months.  Last July she had her tubes tied.  About 6 weeks after that she had her gall bladder and appendix taken out.  This April she had what’s called an ablation, which is a procedure done to the uterus, and now today she had her uterus taken out.   Fortunately is was more a preventative measure than anything else.  No cancer or something scary like that.   It was more a case of it would eventually have to be done and we tried to go out with a bang with our current health insurance provider before the one I have with my new job kicks in.

She’s gonna stay the night tonight and probably go home sometime on Wednesday.  She’s not in too much pain and let me tell you she can be a real hoot when she’s hopped up on pain killers.  She appreciates everyones thoughts and prayers and so do I of course.  Hopefully she’ll be back on her feet soon and she can report herself on how she is doing.

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Is My Music Gay?

So I’m sitting at my desk the other day talking to my boss and he starts looking at my screensaver. I’ve got an iMac with a 24″ monitor….biggest in the office. Anyway my screensaver uses the artwork from my itunes library. My boss asks “Who the hell is Cake?” Only my favorite band I replied. So he stands there and looks a bit at some of the music I have in my itunes library. I don’t have a huge music collection and I don’t have really broad tastes. I mostly like modern rock from the ’90s and ’00s, plus some older stuff from ’60s & 70’s. Some of my faves are Radiohead, Beck, White Stripes, NIN, Metallica etc. ect. Plus I have most of Led Zepplin’s albums, some Beatles, Crosby Stills and Nash, and Paul Simon. No country, pop or rap. So my music tastes are a little narrow in some respects.

Anyway as he’s looking he says “Do you no have any female singers?” I begin to look through all my music library and he’s correct. Not one single album I own is has a female lead singer in it. About the closest I have is Meg White sings some songs on the White Stripes albums and I have a James Bond CD and there are some female artists that sing many of the Bond songs. That’s it really. I was somewhat shocked actually. I have given it brief thought before. I’ve noticed that there are few female singers in the genre of music I like, but is that why I have none. Or is there a deeper meaning to it.

So we later on go in my bosses office and he starts playing me some of the stuff he has in his itunes library. He has many female singers, but he has different tastes in music than I do. He also makes a lighthearted comment “I don’t quite know what to think of that”. Now I don’t honestly suspects me to be gay just because of the music I listen to. I don’t have cd after cd of the Bette Midler, Barbara Streisand mixed in with some B-52’s . It’s rock, mostly alternative rock at that and there just aren’t many females singers in that mix. Sure there are some bands with female singers that I like, I just don’t happen to own any of their music.

Do I not listen to any female singers because I’m gay?  Do I just prefer to hear men singing.? Is there something sexist about my choice in music?  I don’t really know.   I know some men probably listen to female singers just because the like who the woman is singing and they like to think about her.  Sure there are some hot guys in music, but I don’t know of any that I listen to because they are hot.  The hole idea kinda freaked me out actually.  I’ve never thought about it so seriously before but now it just makes me wonder if there really is something subconscious to it that further proves I like men.

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Well some of you may recall my post regarding one of Oklahoma’s finest State Rep. Sally Kern and her homophobic rant. Well Oklahoma County Commissioner Brent Rinehart is up for re-election this summer and he is publishing  this comic book as a campaign mailer. Let me tell you this is no ordinary comic book or campaign flyer. You’ve really gotta read the whole thing to appreciate how big a nut this guy really is.

This guys is getting some local airplay and newsprint because of this, but I can’t imagine it causing the storm the whole Rep. Sally Kern thing caused. I don’t live in Oklahoma County (it’s the most populous in the state since it include the OKC metro at 1 million+ people) but this guys is in the news regularly. He was elected in 2004 and is currently facing charges for illegally raising his campaign funds. He is set to go to trial I believe sometime this fall. I’ve never really knew what this guys political affiliation is, just about his legal troubles. After this, I guess he a first class right wing asshole of the reddest type. As a county commissioner, his primary responsibility is really only roads in the county as well as the sheriffs office. I’m sure there are other things he deals with, but social issues are not really one of them.

I don’t know why he’s such a homophobe. He does mention a Jim Roth who was actually another county commissioner who is openly gay. Jim Roth was recently appointed to the State Corporation Commission by the governor so is not longer a county commisioner, but I guess Rhinehart really hated serving with a homo.

Anyway, this comic book is really over the top. It’s got a lot of local political references in it that won’t mean much, but his constant reference to “the homosexuals” and other highly bigoted gay stereotypes was just a bit to much for me. I can deal with being politically incorrect, but this is way beyond that. I don’t live in Oklahoma County, but in this case I wish I did so I could vote against this asshole.

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New Ride

I got a new ride just the other day. I’ve really been wanting one of these for a long time. I’ve only had it a couple of days but I really like it a lot so far. It’s not a top of the line model but it seems to get the job do so far. It’s actually a bit bigger than I thought it would be but it’s not causing me any problems. I plan on giving it daily use. Anginae gave it a ride this weekend and seemed to be pleased with it as well. It’s not hers though. She got a new one recently as well and seems to be quite happy with hers. I would use hers on occasion but I wanted a new one of my own. Well now I’ve finally a new one of my own. I plan on enjoying it over the years to cum…..oops come

I really did purchase one of the items shown above and funnily enough, this story works for either one. I hope you all don’t mind the light hearted post. I don’t seem to have to many of them on here lately. I’m not making any promises but I’ll try not to be so much of a downer here all the time. Have fun guessing which one I bought. I’ll be sure to be careful using it.

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NOYDB

When we last left my homosexually challenged life, I was basically giving up.  I’m gay and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.  I’ve tried for almost 20 years with no success, I don’t see what I could do to reverse it now.  I haven’t really changed my mind any since my last post.  It has probably been the longest stretch since I’ve come out to Anginae that I haven’t stressed over trying to changes myself.  It’s been a bit of a relief over the last few days actually.  I think I’ve been a bit easier to deal with.

Not much has changed really accept my attitude.  I haven’t started looking for a guy and not sure when I will.  Things will just happen when they happen I guess.  I don’t really have a clue how to go about doing that.  There aren’t really a whole lot a places around where I live where I can just meet some guy.  I’ll probably stick with the internet.  It still offers some anonymity that I desire at this point.

Right now I don’t feel like I have to be out and proud to everyone I know in order to deal with this.  There are exactly three people that know me who know I’m gay.  That number I’m sure will expand at some point, but I’m not gonna rush it.  Me being gay is really none of any body’s damn business.  I’m sure not everybody would support what Anginae and I are doing about this and we honestly don’t need their lack of support at this time.  I don’t need anybody from the outside trying to tear us apart.  Let us figure this out together than you very much.   The only people I can see telling in the somewhat near future would be my mother and step-father.  They love me and Anginae very much and I think that would support us in however we choose to deal with this going forward.

Sorry to disappoint those of you who think I should plant a gay pride flag in my front yard.  I’m not ashamed of being gay and nor to I begrudge anyone who chooses to express their homosexuality for all to see.  Some people choose to live their life openly, some do not.   I’m a pretty private person.  I’m not one to openly show my emotions or affections for all to see.  My life is my business and I can choose to share what I want with those around me when I want.

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