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Archive for July, 2009

Fourteen

Happy Anniversary To Us!  Fourteen years ago I married the most loving woman I could have ever wished for.  Despite what this blog is about, it’s has been an easy fourteen years for the most part.  Being married to your best friend is about as lucky as you can get.  Without trying to sound too boastful, I’m proud of being together for so long.  I don’t mean that the number of years is what matters most, but we have stuck through things that some marriages could never have withstood.  I’m proud of the relationship we have and what we have built together all these years.

The last couple of months have made both of us look at the future a little differently that we thought possible just a few months ago.  I do know that my love for her will last forever, no matter what the future of our marriage holds. This date will always be our anniversary and we will always be together for it.  As far as I’m concerned, I married the greatest woman in the world, and I just wanted to remind you all of that.

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Moving Right Along

One of my fellow readers was chastising me for not posting lately, so I apologize for the long gap in posts.   Really, since ending things with Rub, not a lot has happened.  I’ve talked with him very briefly a time or two.  He’s got a lot going on in his life right now, and from what little I can tell (spying on his Facebook page) things are going quite well between him and LK.  I’m really happy for him, I still just wish things had ended differently than they did.  He made a lot of assumptions how our relationship may go and never gave me a chance to talk about it or give me and Anginae time to figure this all out.  It’s his life and he really did not owe me any patience and I truly wish him nothing but the best.  I’ve come around to still wanting to be friends with him, but I think he’s been so busy lately, I haven’t been able to talk to him much.

I’ve started to look around at meeting guys again….online of course (did you think I was hangin’ out a bar?).    Tried posting a Craigslist and also using another gay dating site and so far there have been a couple of interesting guys.  Not met anyone in person yet but will do so if things seem right to do so.  I’m still taking things cautiously and will do everything I can to take things as slowly as possible if I do wind up meeting someone.  My experience with Rub was short lived, but I at least hope I learned a few lessons that I can take from it.

Well that’s my last couple of weeks in a nutshell.  Back to the same ol’, same ol’ for a little bit.  Again, I’m not going to go into details at all, but things are moving right along for Anginae in her relationship.  I’m perfectly happy for her, the only thing I ever worry about is her getting hurt.  I’ll try not to be away so long next time.  I still have many things I’d like to blog about…just to sort of put some things into words…so I will do my best to post more often.

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Fuck You Facebook

I stayed the night last Tuesday night with Rub.  Was a nice evening.  He had been really tired from a busy day so I held him while he took a nap.  I was great and I enjoyed every minute laying next to him.  We go get something to eat and then off to the motel where we hung out and mess around a little (I get to give the the best blow job I probably ever given) then fall asleep about 2 AM.  Wake up Wednesday morning and off to work we go.  That’s the last time I’ve seen him.

Rub then goes to Arkansas on Thursday to meet some guys about buying the bar I mentioned in my last post and then later that night, goes from there to Texas to meet his cousin to spend some time on the lake.  He’s supposed to be back to Oklahoma on Sunday.  Sunday night comes, and no word from him.  Anginae texts him Monday morning and he’s on his way back home.  Hardly another word from him all day Monday.   I know he’s busy trying to catch up so I do my best to convince myself all is well.  Tuesday comes and goes and hardly any word except exchanging some very brief IMs.  I really miss talking to him but he says he’s still really busy so I do my best to be patient.  My way home from work, I call him….voicmail.  I text him and he at his moms house which has spotty cell coverage but he says he really wants to talk to me.  I tell him I miss him and feel a little better.  

I get home and find Anginae on the bed crying (she’s been really sick this week btw).  I of course ask her what’s wrong.  She asks, “has Rub not told you whats going on with him?”  I answer “Well no, he’s really busy right now”.  “Well go have a look at his Facebook page.  It says he’s in a relationship with LK (remember him from the last post?) and there are pics of him on there too.”  So I of course go look and what do you fucking know, there’s pics of LK along with his new relationship status.  It also show’s he changed his Facebook network from Oklahoma to Arkansas (he’s not moving though I’ve found out).  I send Rub one brief text message for the night to tip him off that I know what’s up, but no reply.

Needless to say I don’t get a lot of sleep last night.  I can’t exactly go through the range of emotions I was feeling.  I didn’t know how much of the last few weeks had been a lie.  I’ve never had to go through anything like this and I couldn’t believe it was all really happening.

So finally this morning I get talk to Rub and get the full story.  Turns out, he met with LK some while in AR on Thursday and went back to see him on Sunday night rather than coming straight home.  He did not do anything with LK while he was with me and so far I believe his story.  The relationship with LK came about very quickly, really in a matter of a few days and since he last saw me.

I also find out that things may not have been as o.k.  as I though last time I was with him.  Since I started seeing him, we discussed my situation with Anginae.  He had given it a great deal of thought and he felt he would be ok with it.  Turns out the the more he thought of it, the less ok he was with having to “share” my affections with someone else.  He wanted a guy he could come home to every night and I wasn’t going to be that guy.  I wasn’t completely surprised by hearing that; I’d warned him about it from the very beginning but it was eventually something he was no longer comfortable with.  I wish he’d given me some more time to work this all out with Anginae.  We were just figuring this out ourselves and we knew that there was a good chance that I might want to spend more time with Rub.  But he should not have to settle for what he wants from a relationship and I’m ok with that.

What hurts is how I found this out from his Facebook page.  We’ve only been seeing each other since the beginning of June, so it’s not like we are in a serious committed relationship, but he knew how I felt about him and I thought I knew how he felt about me.  I didn’t peg him at all as the kind of guy who would, one, meet a guy like this without telling me and two, wait almost two fucking days to tell me.  Of course he says he was busy doing many, many things (which I believe he was), but I feel he could have a least held off spending the 5-10 minutes it took him to upload pics and change his Facebook (and Myspace) status until he told me what was going on.  He didn’t and he admits it was a mistake.  

So that’s it’s really.  My relationship with Rub, short as it was, is now over.  He wants to still be friends, and as I’ve thought about it, think I might still want to be as well once I get over him.  He was a great guy and this hurts a lot.  He said some amazing things about me and what pisses me off is that once I finally convinced myself to believe the things he says about me, this happens.  All I can say is last night was like a kick in the teeth.

He was my first, and what sucks is that every guy I meet from here on out is gonna be measured against him.  Right now it’s hard to imagine any other guy coming close to what he was.  I never imagined this would go on forever but I didn’t want it to end so soon and certainly not the way that it did.

I have a feeling it’s going to take me a while to get over him.

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passedoutThat’s me, in the green shirt, passed out on the bed; that’s Rub, with his shirt off, laying next to me (damn he’s hot isn’t’ he?).  This pic was taken in our hotel room by Anginae at about 5 A.M. last Sunday morning right after we had rolled in from a night at the bars.

Last weekend was another relatively wild weekend for me.  It started of Friday night by taking Anginae to get a tattoo (two cherries on her right shoulder), going to dinner, and then hanging out for a little bit at the gay block party being held for Pride weekend in OKC.  It wasn’t bad, I got hit on by some old guy, but the best part was nearly running into my step brother.  We waved to him, but he was walking into a bar and didn’t see us (Anginae says he ignored us).

Next day Anginae and I drive a couple of hours to small city to hang out with Rub.  Rub is looking into buying the only gay bar in this town and was going to be bartending for the weekend.  We hang out, watch the drag show, drink beer and stick around until 1 AM when the place closes.  After that we go with a group that runs the bar to an all night diner and hang out there for a little bit.  At about 3 AM, Rub, Anginae, Little K (more on him in just a sec) and I go to another local bar and Rub proceeds to get me drunk.  After the 5-6 beers from earlier, he adds a Jack and Coke, a shot a Patron, a shot of Jagermeister, and finally a vodka and cranberry juice.  All damn good stuff I must say, but way plenty to get me drunk.  The kicker was the first full cigarette that I’ve ever smoked.  It was nice, but once the nicotine started working with the alchohol, I was done.  Rub and Anginae got me to stagger back to the car (they were not drunk) then a short drive back to the hotel, where I proceed to puke in the parking lot.  Shit I hate being such a pussy when it comes to drinking.

So here the night pretty much ends and there you see me above after it’s all over.  A few moments later I strip down to my underwear and cuddle up next to Rub for the night.  I get to wake up and lay with him for most of the morning which was pretty damn nice.  This is all new to me.  Not just being with Rub, but all of it.  It’s different, but it’s fun and I’m glad I am getting to experience all this.

One more thing I discovered was a serious jealous streak in me.  You see, Little K is a nice guy that hung out at the bar all night too.  This was actually his second night at the bar and had met Rub the previous night while Rub was bartending.  Rub is an extremely nice guy and was kind enough to let Little K hang out with us.  It was pretty quick to see that LK had his eyes on Rub as well.  Later in the evening he had more than his eyes on him, he had his hand on Rubs leg some of the night.  I wasn’t quite sure how to take all this, but I sure as hell was shooting jealous, evil looks at LK all evening long, something which Rub noticed me doing as well.  Nothing ever happened.  Rub nicely told LK he wasn’t looking for anything other than being friends, and LK eventually left.  There’s a bit more the the Rub/LK story, but I don’t want to go into it.

So there you go, another happenin’ weekend for me.  I was really glad Anginae got to go and she had a great time.  I think Rub may actually go through with buying this bar so I’m sure there is a good chance I will be back.  I don’t know how much more excitement I can take, but I guess I’m willing to try.

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