Archive for December, 2009

Christmas Carol

Well I’ve found a new Christmas song that seems pretty appropriate for me this year. I’m not gonna go into great detail right now. Suffice to say that the number of people I’m out to is growing and will continue to do so in a big way over the next few days most likely. Anyway a guy I’ve been chatting with some recently suggested I check this out. I found it very fitting so I felt I just had to share. Enjoy and Merry Christmas to you all this year.

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I’m clingy. I’m whiny. I’m needy. Before you say I’m just being hard on myself as usual, these are not just words I use to describe myself, but also Anginae’s as well. If your wife tells you that you’ve been too clingy with your boyfriend, they you have a problem. The thing is, these descriptions don’t apply to how I act towards her sometimes, but how I treat guys I’m interested in, specifically DMc in this case. Because of all this, I’ve managed to scare DMc away and it now appears I am now boyfriend-less. As fast as he was here he is now gone.

This post isn’t exactly timely; this all kind of started going down a few weeks ago. I last saw DMc the Sunday before the Thanksgiving; we went out and I thought we had a good time. After that though, he fell pretty quite. I hardly heard from him the whole week until the Friday after the holiday he said he basically didn’t know how to be there for himself right now, so he didn’t know if he could be there for a boyfriend. He’s since told me he’s not seeing anyone (well this he told me a couple of weeks ago, so I assume it’s still true) and I think I believe him. He said he had some stuff to figure out for himself and he didn’t really feel like it was a good time for him to have a boyfriend.

Now I really feel I had a hand in pushing him towards this. During the time when Anginae decided to proceed with the divorce I got a little whiny and emotional probably. I now see I may have directed a little too much of my neediness at the time towards him. I mean yes, he was my boyfriend, but I hadn’t really known him that terribly long so I think it was to much to ask of him at the time. I have since explained myself to him and apologized for how I acted.

I’m 90% sure that things are over with him. I really liked him a lot and really am not ready to move on completely from him until I hear that he no longer has any desire to be with me. As things stand now for me, it may not be a bad time for me to not have a boyfriend until the holidays are over and we get going formally on the divorce. I will at that time probably look to move someplace closer to work at which time I may see if things are truly over with him.

In the meantime, I’m trying my best to move on from him. I’m trying to be reasonable and not hold out too much hope for something that’s not going to happen. I don’t necessarily think he was “the one” for me forever, but he was a nice, good guy and I wasn’t ready for it to be over yet. I’ve started chatting with new guys online some, but have not yet made the move to meet anybody in person. DMc and I still talk via text from time to time but that’s about it. If it is over, I think we will at least be friendly to one another. Yes I know I can use all the friends I can get right now, but I was really hoping to keep him in the boyfriend category for a lot longer.

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I helped my wife’s boyfriend move into his apartment today. Go ahead and read that again if you like. Anginae’s boyfriend (whom shall now be known as Bark) moved out of his house today and into an apartment and the use of my truck and lifting ability was needed. I was genuinely happy to help. He’s a nice guy, they seem really happy together and despite the past mistakes he’s made with his current marriage I truely hope they can find happiness with one another.

The last few weeks have moved quickly. Anginae and I are both fairly comfortable with the decision we have made. Bark has made a big step to end a marriage he has been unhappy in for many years. His divorce, unlike ours, is likely to be a nasty one. He’s a lucky guy to have the chance of being with Anginae once it’s all over for him. Today may be one more step in what my life will be; spending time with my best friend (aka ex-wife) and her man. I’m really pretty okay with that. So long as I have me a man of my own to tag along with me.

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