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Archive for January, 2010

Hammer In One More Nail

Divorce petition was filed Dec 30, 2009. In the small town we live in the paper is weekly so it became public knowledge the following week. That’s how my father found out about the divorce. The day after I receive the following email from him:

Jay,
I have read about your divorce. I know that you are hurting. I want to you know that I love you, Son, and Daughter and if there is anything that I can do, I am here for you. I still want to see you and the kids very much.
Love, dad

And here is my reply to him:

Thanks for your concern. Our family is fine and will continue on, however, it will be in a different manner. I have been hurt by no one. I have changed and it is best for Anginae and I to move on in a different direction so both of us can be happy. Anginae has done more for me and shown me more love than any other person ever has. The divorce is a result of my actions, not hers; I have done the hurting, not her. I want to be clear, she is blameless in all of this.

I know you want to see me and this kids, but at this point in my life I am not ready for that. I am a happier and better person not having you in my life. I do not hate you and I am not angry with you, but I do not want to repair what is broken. I do love you and I want you to be happy, but that is going to have to be without me being a part of your life. I don’t know what will ever change how I feel, but all I ask is to be left alone to live the life that I have chosen and for you to do the same. I alone am the one responsible for this decision and no one has influenced me to feel the way that I do.

Again I do love you and I’m sorry for any hurt this causes you. None of this is intentional but I am doing what is best for me.

Jay

So that’s it. After almost two years this is the most I’ve said to him. I still have not seen him or spoken to him since my last day of working for him. I’m hoping he is now clear on how I feel. I did not intend for my reply to him to be harsh or hurtful, but clear and to the point. I brought up no old memories or past events, but tried to have a forward looking approach, as I am in my own life right now.

Notice how no mention of Anginae in all this, and as I found out a couple of days after I sent this, he is still sticking to his guns on wanting nothing to do with her. We are all still in the dark as to why he exactly feels this way. His attitude only reinforces my decision to move on and not be a part of his life. I truly do wish him the best and life and do love him, but that does not mean I have to want anything to do with him. I haven’t heard from him since my email so I think that may be the end of my relationship with him for the foreseeable future.

Lots more to talk about. Needless to say that much has gone on over the last few weeks. I’ll update you all as soon as I can. My life is making changes that months ago I would never have imagined. Please wish me and my family luck.

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