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Archive for the ‘divorce’ Category

So here I sit alone in my own apartment. Yes, that’s right, I’ve moved out. As of Jan 15th I signed a least on a 1 bedroom apartment and here now I am. It’s a nice place and I’m a lot closer to work. I’m not here all the time. I still head home and see the family at least every couple of days and the kids have already stayed here overnight with me. It’s change and it requires an adjustment by all, but we are doing the best we can.

I haven’t posted much mainly because there has been so much going on, but let me say much has happened in the last month or so. I can possibly say that for those of you that have been reading my blog for a long time, the last few weeks have seen changes that for many of you, including myself, probably thought would never happen.

The divorce petition was officially filed December 30. We now have a minimum 90 day wait to make it final however we may not push that. Some of it depends on ironing out some details like insurance for Anginae and stuff, but all the details of the settlement will be completely amicable.

Just as big of news is that I’m officially outed to most all of my immediate family. Anginae’s parents were first. They had not taken the divorce new’s well and were basically taking it all out on her. The truth settled it all, and to my amazement have been nothing but loving and compassionate towards us both. My parents were next; told them on New Years Day. They were shocked to say the least, but the divorce has been much harder to take than me being gay. Anginae’s prediction that my mother would be the only one to try and talk us out of it after hearing the full story has been true. She’s still coming to terms with it but will in time. My grandfather and aunt and uncle were next. I told my grandpa, and Anginae told my aunt and they informed a couple of my cousins. My grandfather has proven to me more than I already knew that he is an amazing man and my aunt, uncle and cousins have been accepting as well. There are a few other close friends and family that know, and so far without exception all have been open and supportive of Anginae and I. Despite all that has happened, I could not be luckier to have such a loving wonderful family in all of this. It’s the people that I’m not as close to that worry me now. The have more room to judge and not be as open, but only time will tell. All I can say is so far so good.

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Hammer In One More Nail

Divorce petition was filed Dec 30, 2009. In the small town we live in the paper is weekly so it became public knowledge the following week. That’s how my father found out about the divorce. The day after I receive the following email from him:

Jay,
I have read about your divorce. I know that you are hurting. I want to you know that I love you, Son, and Daughter and if there is anything that I can do, I am here for you. I still want to see you and the kids very much.
Love, dad

And here is my reply to him:

Thanks for your concern. Our family is fine and will continue on, however, it will be in a different manner. I have been hurt by no one. I have changed and it is best for Anginae and I to move on in a different direction so both of us can be happy. Anginae has done more for me and shown me more love than any other person ever has. The divorce is a result of my actions, not hers; I have done the hurting, not her. I want to be clear, she is blameless in all of this.

I know you want to see me and this kids, but at this point in my life I am not ready for that. I am a happier and better person not having you in my life. I do not hate you and I am not angry with you, but I do not want to repair what is broken. I do love you and I want you to be happy, but that is going to have to be without me being a part of your life. I don’t know what will ever change how I feel, but all I ask is to be left alone to live the life that I have chosen and for you to do the same. I alone am the one responsible for this decision and no one has influenced me to feel the way that I do.

Again I do love you and I’m sorry for any hurt this causes you. None of this is intentional but I am doing what is best for me.

Jay

So that’s it. After almost two years this is the most I’ve said to him. I still have not seen him or spoken to him since my last day of working for him. I’m hoping he is now clear on how I feel. I did not intend for my reply to him to be harsh or hurtful, but clear and to the point. I brought up no old memories or past events, but tried to have a forward looking approach, as I am in my own life right now.

Notice how no mention of Anginae in all this, and as I found out a couple of days after I sent this, he is still sticking to his guns on wanting nothing to do with her. We are all still in the dark as to why he exactly feels this way. His attitude only reinforces my decision to move on and not be a part of his life. I truly do wish him the best and life and do love him, but that does not mean I have to want anything to do with him. I haven’t heard from him since my email so I think that may be the end of my relationship with him for the foreseeable future.

Lots more to talk about. Needless to say that much has gone on over the last few weeks. I’ll update you all as soon as I can. My life is making changes that months ago I would never have imagined. Please wish me and my family luck.

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Favor

I helped my wife’s boyfriend move into his apartment today. Go ahead and read that again if you like. Anginae’s boyfriend (whom shall now be known as Bark) moved out of his house today and into an apartment and the use of my truck and lifting ability was needed. I was genuinely happy to help. He’s a nice guy, they seem really happy together and despite the past mistakes he’s made with his current marriage I truely hope they can find happiness with one another.

The last few weeks have moved quickly. Anginae and I are both fairly comfortable with the decision we have made. Bark has made a big step to end a marriage he has been unhappy in for many years. His divorce, unlike ours, is likely to be a nasty one. He’s a lucky guy to have the chance of being with Anginae once it’s all over for him. Today may be one more step in what my life will be; spending time with my best friend (aka ex-wife) and her man. I’m really pretty okay with that. So long as I have me a man of my own to tag along with me.

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Looks Like When

Anginae signed the divorce petition Monday. We have decided to hold off on filing it until after the holidays are over but the decision has been made. We are not waiting because we are not ready but more because we don’t want to have to put up with telling everybody right now.

Anginae says that Monday was one of the happiest days she has had in a while. Knowing that put a smile on my face. The last two years together have not been difficult. Sure there have been some stressful times as we learned to cope with this, but now there is some closure to all of this. What would be the outcome of our marriage was always something there hanging over us. Now that we have come to this decision we can now more easily move forward. Sure there are going to be some sad and difficult moments ahead but we are not losing each other. This is just another step in the transformation of our relationship.

I’ll be honest. I am scared. This decision is going to cause many things to happen. First off will be telling my mom and stepdad. They are our only hope of parental support in all this. Anginae told her parents about the divorce an they are pissed to say the least. If they knew the full reason why it would be even worse. I of course don’t have my father to go to (and don’t want to) so I’m going to putting a lot of pressure on my mom to help us through this. I can’t help but feel she owes me this. There is working out the whole financial and living situation. Anginae is looking for more work and I will give her all the support I can. I think after the first of the year I will also start looking for a small place of my own closer to work. I’m conflicted as to whether to disclose to my boss why I am getting divorced. I know it seems like none of his business but it is a small company and I’d rather come clean instead of him somehow finding out. Finally there is a matter of my boyfriend. I like DMc a lot but I’m not sure he is up to the task of being with me right now. I don’t want to end it with him but I need a boyfriend that can be a support to me in all this. All I can do is hope he shares some of the same feelings I have for him, but if not I may have to make the tough decision and move on.

So this is it I guess. We are starting another chapter in our lives; one that I still can’t believe is happening. It is a mixture of many emotions ranging from sadness to excitement. The best part though is I will still have her in my life. I’m not losing her we are just settling into a different type of relationship. Despite how hard this is going to be, that thought alone makes a world of difference.

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